The government is planning to transfer £4.4bn of housing grant into its new programme of affordable Starter Mansions.

The Department for Communities and Local Government (DCLG) is planning to build the stately homes on reclaimed brownfield sites and regenerated estates.

A spokesperson said: “According to the English Housing Survey, 100% of people would like to have an enormous mansion to live in, especially if they don’t have to pay. This government believes in aspiration.”

The mansions will be capped at a sale price of £10m outside London, and an undisclosed sum in the capital (available on request from the Malaysian branch of a well-known estate agent).

The government has pledged to build 500,000 mansions by the end of the calendar year after an unguarded comment by a DCLG minister on a rare TV appearance, which it is now too politically embarrassing to retract.

Under updated planning guidance, the homes will be classed as affordable – ridiculous!